New day, new cycle

The hubs listened so well this morning as I threw out some of my frustrating thoughts and he even agreed that he's getting to that point where he's wondering what God wants us to be doing with our time.  We have this sense that we're just stuck and waiting to get back on track.  Actually, that's the brighter side of things.  I realized that the dreary day a few weeks ago was really because it hit me hard, for whatever reason that this might be it, I may have secondary infertility forever.  After a year and a half, surgery and Napro protocol you'd think it would have sunk in by now, and it has to some degree.  I have a good cry around CD 1 each month because it hits me harder and is that much more real.  On a day to day basis though, I'm in some sort of denial, that soon we'll figure it out, fix it and get on with my vocation of being a mom to many...

But reality calls. Time to call for a Cycle Review and find a new cycle saint.  I'm looking forward to the biopsy (as much as one can look forward to a biopsy, ug) because as always, I'm just hoping for more info into anything that could be causing this wait. I also am wanting to see my estrodiol level without the clomid for the first time in 8 months.  It seemed to go up a little in the last few months even while I kept the same level of clomid, so maybe with the help of the Anti-inflammatory diet?  If I could not do a drug to help with with Estrodiol that would be great.  There's a good chance I'll still end up with Letrozole though.

Cycle saint (thanks to the Saint Generator from Jen Fulwiler): St. Andrew Dung Lac

He was a Vietnamese priest executed by beheading in 1839. He is a saint and martyr of the Catholic Church. I'm thinking he'll give me some perspective on suffering :)

Still keeping up with the Gianna novena.

Offering up my physical pain for those in the IF blogging community and my IRL friends who are dealing with grief.

Cycle Saints and Prayer

Yeah, I know it's not a conventional thing to do.  I've been using Jen Fulwiler's Saint Generator to find a saint  for each cycle.  I liked the idea of having one for the whole year, but I wanted to befriend more saints, learn about more of them and ask for more prayers.  So when AF arrives I get to go find out which one I will learn about and pray with for the next 34ish days.

So far there's been some fun coincidences, as there is likely to be with a faith that is so tangible and relevant on a day to day basis.  Here's a few.

• The first time I did it I got my confirmation sain,t who's my usual go to, and I had done the generator to find someone new.  There she was... St. Therese :)
• I had St. Josephine Bakhita once and her feast day landed around peak day of that cycle.
• St. Teresa of Avila is up now and in the book I'm reading (Love&Salt) the 2 women quote her and talk about her quite a bit.

I like this little ritual, it makes me feel as if so many in heaven are ready to listen, especially when I need it most.

I've also been feeling called to pray the rosary on a daily basis because of a few different experiences.  I fall asleep with a rosary in my hand every night but I'm lucky if I get past the 3 opening hail mary's mainly because of being so distracted at that time.  It's something I'll have to work on.

I'm also hopping on board the St. Gianna novena (thanks to the blog Making God Laugh) which starts tonight.  I printed out the prayers and will keep the paper on my nightstand in an effort to hit every night.  I love the idea of novenas but I can't tell you how many I've started and not finished.  

So I guess the key to all of this is to be more consistent in my prayer!