The benefit of busy

It's p+8 but I'm not as anxious about cycle stuff as I usually am.  (Note the "as usual" not to be confused with no anxiety because I'm always anxious :)

It's been busy around here!  This past week I attended an ordination of Hubs' college buddy.  We left our son with his parents and drove to the big city for 36 hours of Masses and receptions and friends.  It was wonderful.  I won't lie, I felt a little boring, everyone was asking and answering questions about what they do and the big city they just flew in from, and I just didn't feel cool with my answer of, "yeah, I used to work but now I just stay home." <cricket chirp>  Later, as I thought about feeling lame, I thought of how being serious with NaPro can sometimes mean feeling like you have a first/second job you just don't talk about.  The charting, the blood draws, the meds, the vitamins, the paperwork, the tests, surgeries, recoveries, the time researching any possible reason to it...  
it can be a bit, well, much.

It's tradition to ask the newly ordained priests for a "first blessing." When it was our turn Hubs asked specifically for healing from any infertility.  His friend knows we have a little one already but didn't seem shocked that we'd be struggling after that, thank God.  We made a sort of huddle with our arms around him and his hands on our heads and he prayed over us that God might bless us in everything we do and in a special way that we be healed in whatever way we needed.  What peace.  God has given me alot of grace lately in this struggle and I know that even if the healing never comes for our specific intention, God, who is a good God and giver of all perfect gifts, will not completely forget us.  He will either give us the gift we seek or the strength to go without it.  I'm not always in a place where I can say that, but right now, I'm closer than usual.

It's officially my last day in my twenties.  On this Birthday Eve I'm being treated to a musical tonight and various activities tomorrow including Mass, breakfast, park time, a massage, shopping and dinner with friends.  Holy Cow am I blessed!

This coming weekend and all next week will be travelling and with family.  I should be sitting at a BBQ with all my extended fam as AF hits... whee.  But there's so much to bake and pack and plan... I simply can't let impending AF take up any of my time right now.  There is a benefit to being busy!

Normal

Yup, the biopsy results came back "normal" so no fairy tale antibiotic treatment leading to happily ever after.  :) I'm not really surprised but a little sad.  Again, great that there's nothing wrong, but no red flag to lead us in treatment either.

Just starting the 2WW and looking forward to more talk about endorphin levels, saliva testing, diet and LDN.

Also, starting over on the Novena, I cannot string these days together!  The prayers, when I've done them have been great, but I'd like to try to actually do it day after day.  Oh well.

Biopsy and being Blessed

A Uterine Biopsy... dum dum duuuuum.  Yup, sounds like fun eh?!  It was not, but neither was it horrible.  Some cramps during it but when it was done I felt just fine and ready to go home.

My Doc usually does the biopsy during a laproscopy so you're unconscious but my charts didn't have the TEBB in Sept/Oct when we did the surgery so she didn't do it then.  The sonogram last month went so well and my p+7 draw had good numbers so I'm off the clomid  for a second month, wahoo!  So that brings us to a point where we're reevaluating what we think the cause of my SIF might be.  I still never can tell if having no big red flags as to the cause of it is a good thing or a bad thing. (It means that there's nothing big, but also we don't know what to treat.)

I won't lie, the results have only a 20% chance at coming back positive for some kind of bacteria or fungus but I'm actually hoping that they do.  I mean, how wonderful would it be if we found out it was a bacteria, we did antibiotics and got pregnant and had no trouble getting pregnant from now on?  Geesh, a girl can dream huh! :)

This past weekend I just felt so blessed.  It's so nice to feel it, like the sun came out.  Oh wait, the sun did come out...  :)

Two phrases in one week

Beware, this is slightly more stream of consciousness than usual. :)

I've been putting off starting my Novena of Mary, Undoer of Knots.  I'll try to start tomorrow.  Somebody must be praying for me 'cause this week has been a turn around.  On Wednesday a phrase popped into my head... "Own it."  Not a new concept but one that comes up and needs to be remembers.  Too often I just can't wait to get pregnant and get out of this IF camp.  After almost 2 years of trying for number 2 I need to "own it."  I've been quietly dragging this cross resentfully and reluctantly behind me.  When am I going to allow God to use this cross in my life to help others?  Sure it's one that will shape me, but if God is truly one of merciful love that can order all things for good than I need to allow this cross to be at his use.  I need to contact someone from the diocese and offer to help with something in service to those struggling with infertility around here.  I already know more than a few other women that would probably be willing to help as they have their own struggles themselves.

On Friday is was the phrase, "be courageous."  I was frustrated with how to think about IF, if it is this cross that I need to own and offer up than how do I also fight it at the same time.  I was asking God, how do I accept a struggle and beg for healing at the same time?  Many times our culture talks about the American Dream or the idea that if you work hard you can accomplish anything.  There's the frustration with IF, you can't just work really hard and make it go away by yourself.  So that's where "courageous" came from, I want to be courageous in hope and in desire to understand God's Will for me right now.  I want to be determined in my pursuit of doing what I can to get pregnant but balance myself with the courage to accept where I am and where God wants me to be.

I was going to write about the biopsy I had yesterday, but I think I'll save that for another time.