Two phrases in one week

Beware, this is slightly more stream of consciousness than usual. :)

I've been putting off starting my Novena of Mary, Undoer of Knots.  I'll try to start tomorrow.  Somebody must be praying for me 'cause this week has been a turn around.  On Wednesday a phrase popped into my head... "Own it."  Not a new concept but one that comes up and needs to be remembers.  Too often I just can't wait to get pregnant and get out of this IF camp.  After almost 2 years of trying for number 2 I need to "own it."  I've been quietly dragging this cross resentfully and reluctantly behind me.  When am I going to allow God to use this cross in my life to help others?  Sure it's one that will shape me, but if God is truly one of merciful love that can order all things for good than I need to allow this cross to be at his use.  I need to contact someone from the diocese and offer to help with something in service to those struggling with infertility around here.  I already know more than a few other women that would probably be willing to help as they have their own struggles themselves.

On Friday is was the phrase, "be courageous."  I was frustrated with how to think about IF, if it is this cross that I need to own and offer up than how do I also fight it at the same time.  I was asking God, how do I accept a struggle and beg for healing at the same time?  Many times our culture talks about the American Dream or the idea that if you work hard you can accomplish anything.  There's the frustration with IF, you can't just work really hard and make it go away by yourself.  So that's where "courageous" came from, I want to be courageous in hope and in desire to understand God's Will for me right now.  I want to be determined in my pursuit of doing what I can to get pregnant but balance myself with the courage to accept where I am and where God wants me to be.

I was going to write about the biopsy I had yesterday, but I think I'll save that for another time.