Tuesday, October 8, 2013

What went right??????

Maybe this is a tad weird, and if you're not from the Napro/IF community it's probably TMI so tune back in some other time but in case you're in a similar situation here's some things that may have gone into being able to get pregnant after years of secondary IF.  I have stumbled on some posts about what may have worked for others and it was always interesting to see what others' have been doing.

My husband, an engineer, also wanted me to write it down so we would have the data to refer to later. HA!

Of course, these things are mysterious, no one will ever know what exactly it was that made this time different from the last 23+ cycles, but for what it's worth, here goes:

Things we were doing/did differently that may have contributed:
- LDN (this was the first cycle will the full dose every day from CD1)
- diet change for me- gluten free, dairy free
- post peak progesterone supplement
- mucinex (taken around 11am and 11pm with plenty of water)
- vitamins- prenatal
- fish oil morning and night
- Men's FertilityBlend vitamin's for DH morning and night and 1000mg of C

Here's the TMI part but I think the most interesting:
- one week of daily morning "baby dancing" with projected peak day in the middle of the week.  I know morning isn't Creigh,ton suggested but when we went back to see what we did when trying for number one, that was something we did on the cycle that worked with him, so we figured we'd try that again.  And it worked again.  Do the little guys swim better in the morning?  Did I have have lots of great usable mucus before I stood up and got moving for the day? WHO KNOWS!  I also dozed on my back for an hour afterward while DH got ready for work, also not Creigh.ton method suggested, but again, what we did the first time.

Sooooo, welcome to my personal life :)  No really, I'm a firm believer that hearing other's experiences can help us see things differently, give us ideas of things to try or just help us realize how many ways there are to get to the same goal.  So there you have it, what MIGHT have worked.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Unexpectly Blessed!

I'm 14 weeks pregnant, and still in a little shock.

Yup.  That's the reason for my falling off the face of the earth blog for the last, oh, 2 months or so.  That and not knowing how to announce it here.  The last post about taking a test that evening cuz I couldn't wait... we did and got the shock of our lives.  Truthfully my reaction went like this:
1. see test
2. take test to hubs
3. he says, "no way" and we just stare at each other silently for minutes
4. pray in thanksgiving for our blessing and for those we know who want nothing more than to see a positive test like the one we were holding
5. continue trying to process/sleep
6. shock wears off just enough to cry tears of joy/thanksgiving laying in bed while waking up

Some sort of bumbling disclaimer paragraph:
To be honest I haven't known what I would write here if this happened.  This blog has been my connection to some amazing women who have, in internet land, and real life helped me through the last two years more than I could EVER EXPRESS IN WORDS!!!  I hate the idea that my good news would cause pain to anyone else.  I hope you understand when I say with all honesty I'm glad I'm not dealing with IF, at this moment, but I DO mourn the "walk with you" relationships that have already been affected.  I hope to be seen as a NaPro success and a source of hope rather than a thorn in the side of those still dealing with IF.  I'm sure none of that was super eloquently stated but I hope you understand the point I'm trying to make.

How it's going so far:
It was not, in any way, an easy first trimester.  I had voluntarily gone gluten free and dairy free after some research into Dr. Boyle's use of LDN and nutrition and I regret that now because I had to stay GF/DF while completely losing my appetite- leading to my eating very little.  I've lost weight because I can't get food down.  I've also had weekly to daily brown bleeding which sets me on edge.  This could be the result of an infection I haven't yet been treated for, or semi normal uterine bleeds, which we saw on the sono.  So I've spent a good deal of time between the couch and the bed the last couple months.  I do NOT mean to complain, I'm darn happy to just be pregnant, but in the interest of sharing experiences, I'm trying to be honest in case anyone else out there is considering LDN or diet changes etc.  Do them one at a time in case the LDN works... diet issues and morning sickness do not play well together!  I'd do it all over again though in a heartbeat if we found that that was actually the right combination of things.  I'm also trying to offer up as much of this stuff as possible for those dealing with IF, but I'm afraid I'm human and probably not doing a good job of it.

Phew, so there it is, I'm pregnant, ecstatic, anxious, tired... and hugely thankful to my NaPro doc for sticking with me and helping to make this possible.  I mean, what kind of doctor's nurse runs over to you and gives you a big hug and tell you she and the doc are so happy on your first trip in for an emergency sono?!  Thankfully everything has looked good so far.

Many thanks to Sts. Gemma, Gianna, Gerard and for all the many prayers offered up by friends and family!!!

Sorry such a long post, thanks if you're still reading.

Friday, July 26, 2013


It's day P+14... I very rarely make it this long after peak before AF shows.  I've had cramps for a few days now so I can't imagine any test would come back positive, but I may talk myself into taking one tomorrow morning because I've only made it this long about 3 times in my life. 

And, of course, now that I've said something, I'll start in the next hour or so :)

We're waiting for the results of another culture to see what antibiotics to go on and staying on the LDN.  I've started a list of other hypothesises... hypothesi? of course, just in case we get another cycle or 2 under our belts and are still looking for answers.

More later, just had to get this off of my chest for now.

OH!  PS: Please keep in prayer a friend running a retreat for couples who have lost children.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Random Quick Takes 7-19-2013

Not linking with Jen because this would be a weird post to stumble on.
Some things I've found out about myself...

1.  Some good old fashioned sweating exercise does wonders for anxiety.  I should do more of it!

2. The cycle saint for this cycle is St. Gemma Galgani.  Just FYI, if I got pregnant this cycle there's a very good chance I would be due on her feast day of April 11th.  Yup, I did the math :)

3. Sometimes I feel better when I haven't had enough sleep... I know, it doesn't make sense.

4. I can't look at facebook too much.  Waaaaay too many babies and bump pics.  I think I am a magnet for pregnant bellies, I see them eeeeeverywhere!

5. I've caught myself more than once having the thought of maybe I just can't handle the anxiety another baby would bring (SIDS, birth, nursing, etc.).  Those thoughts scare me, better a road less travelled.  I just have to tell myself that in all things, God will give me the grace I need when I need it.  He hasn't failed me yet.

6. Because of the anti-inflammatory diet for 5 months followed by gluten free/dairy free 2 months this year I've lost almost 20 pounds.  I'm down to the weight I was when I got my drivers' license... what, what!?  Just a little perk of being in conception-ready mode I guess.

7. If I'm not pregnant soon and have to sit in my quiet house while my little one goes to preschool I may have some kind of melt-down.  Check that, I WILL have a meltdown and start looking for a job or something to fill my time because quiet house naptimes are bad enough right now.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Feeling the love

 "When we honestly ask ourselves which [people] in our lies mean the most to us, we often find that is those who instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.  The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair of confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."  ~Henri J. M. Nouwen

I feel like I should thank all my "Elizabeths" out there.  I mean those women who, through their prayers, blog posts, walking/play dates, conversations, chart sharings, emails, etc. have been the Elizabeth to my Mary or the Mary to my Elizabeth :)  It is such an amazing blessing to not be alone, whether or not we even share the same cross.

Thank you thank you!

This post has, no doubt, stemmed from some encounters in the last couple weeks and this post from The Road Home (READ HER BLOG!).

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Angry Tears

I was doing so well!!!!  I was all composed and trusting that God had my heart.  I was repeating the mantra "soon, it will be soon" and trying to be hopeful. 

And then CD1.

I'm thankful I have so much to do around the house, lots of cleaning, painting and planning for a family party at the end of the week and a few sewing jobs to attend to.  The only problem is that my work gets all blurry through sudden angry tears that creep up on me.  Ug, some months the no is just harder to take than others. 

The naproNurse was out yesterday so my doc did my cycle review over the phone herself.  She reviewed everything we've done and the one thing yet to do.  At the end she added up all the effective cycles we've gone through (where everything was in place for there to be a pregnancy) and just said, "well huh."  Well HUH!?!... I repeated in my head... are you stumped... tell me you're not stumped... you can't be stumped... this is not the end of the line... does that mean I'm doing everything possible?!  Actually, I think it means that other than a little bit of TEBB we haven't found any big red flag problems to solve.  Everything looks great.  As frustrating as all this is going through my head, I have to remember that if I was with a typical RE I would have been labeled with "unexplained infertility" and given the choice between ART options or go home a year ago.  Thank God for Nap.ro.  THANK GOD.

All this frustration is wrecking havoc on my ability to parent the one child I do have and that's not right, I feel so guilty.  I gotta go get stuff done and pray a bunch.

Prayers appreciated!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

It's a no ice cream summer... AHHHH!

An update in treatment:
I'm mid-cycle at the moment and trying to be hopeful.  I'm doing pretty well with everything right now because we have a list of things to do and try so even if it's not this month.  This month I began the Low Dose Nal.trexone or LDN.  Dr. S was saying that it should help with anxiety, cortisol and overall immune health.  All of this could mean that the inflammation (what we currently are pursuing as the issue) could go down while on this med.  I've already starting the vivid dreams that come with the LDN... and I thought it would be scary but they're actually kinda fun.  It's usually what I would normally dream about just more often and maybe a little more detailed.

Along with the LDN I'm going gluten free and dairy free. This was after reading this post and the links that she offered to Dr. Boyle's work.  He hates giving his patients diets but when he uses LDN he suggests they go GF and DF because it seems to make the med more effective consistently.  I have nothing to lose but my favorite foods so I'm going for it. (btw, if you've thought at all about LDN or am a Napro Nerd like me, you'll find his presentation very interesting.  Many thanks to the blogger who posted it!) I'm giving up pizza and cheese and cake and ice cream all just in case it means that I can get pregnant.  Every once in awhile I hear that bitter voice in the back of my head saying, "but other girls don't have to eat right or sleep right or .... to get pregnant" but you know what, I have to play the hand of cards that life dealt to me.  I can either whine to God about it or ask him to help me.  (this is not to say in any way that this is easy or I think like this all the time, if you've read anything on this blog you know this :) )